Being alone

2nd day of school. Sighs. Things ARE hard. Everybody has their own group of friends and cliques and I feel like I'm intruding. I've been joining some of the Grade 11 girls during lunch. They're okay, I guess. But I can't seem to join into their conversation. Met a Vietnamese Aussie and she just looks Vietnamese. Haha. She's nice and asks me about Malaysia and stuff.

Had a workshop today and it was free dress day. It wasn't as pressurizing as I thought it would be.. *pats back* The first workshop was really good. And I mean REALLY good. At the end of that workshop, we were supposed to imagine stuff they instructed us to do. I was alone, so I timidly sat down near a bunch of people. It was a big group, and they were all have a time of their lives as friends, joking with one another. I felt so homesick at that point of time. The instructor said, "Imagine a whiteboard. What would you write on it? What would you do if you're the one walking around alone, your best friend and friends all far away? What would you do if you're moving to a new country?" That was just a little of what he said. I was tearing already. I felt so alone, so vulnerable. Like something zapped every ounce of my confidence away. All I could think of is, "God, I want to go home. God, I want to go home!" When I looked up, I wiped my tears as fast as I could. I didn't want anybody to see me crying. But to my amazement, I wasn't the only one. Youths apologized to each other, some thanked their friends and stuff. It felt like at home once more. Even guys had tears streaming down their faces as they spoke. I just feel more and more homesick everyday.

This is SO out of my comfort zone. I don't like being the new kid! It feels horrid! I don't like walking around the campus ALONE! I don't like not having girlfriends to giggle around with! It's like I'm a pathetic loser who walks around the campus without friends! I want to regain my confidence back! I want to see my friends again! I want to be comfortable in YC!!

I want to go home!!

God, help me!