I’m meant to be working on my assignment, but my mind wandered off somewhere else.
Again, my heart aches that I live two different lives in two different countries. As much as I try to move on completely, a part of me still lives in the past. The past seems so much easier because it’s already conquered.
A lot has happened in three years.
I find myself feeling guilty for wanting more than what I already have. Instead of enjoying God’s blessings in the present, there are a few (okay, maybe more than a few!) times where my mind goes, “I wish...” But, when I stop and reflect, I have so much to be thankful for
My thoughts drift off to friendships and relationships, and I go, “Why don’t I have...” or “I wish...” It’s so stupid really. I don’t understand why I keep thinking about these when I have so much in my life.
Maybe I’m just getting a little lonely trying to walk through this life alone. And when I mean alone, I don’t just mean a life-long partner. (though that would be nice) As much as I have God by my side, I find myself continuously trying to please Him. When would I realise that helping out in numerous sections in church will not get God to love me anymore?
It’s that attitude that isolates me from “overly” depending on people around me. Perhaps by being independent, God will be more proud of me. I try to be the best that I can, I try to exceed my keyboard playing from 2 months ago, I try to step up in music and start singing, I try to be the best youth leader that I can, I try to help friends out, etc.
In other words, I’m trying to impress. To think about it, who am I trying to impress?
