My biggest enemy.

I'm assuming that I've been hit by another wave of insecurity.

It's stupid, really. Sometimes, I can be confident with what I do and who I am. Other times, I look at others and go, "So... I actually have talent in this area. Rightttt.."

So I'm on a quest of unleashing the string of talents in me. Well, I'm hoping that I have more than one talent, lol. Honestly, I feel a little afraid of what I would find. I'm afraid that I would find myself being not the person who I wanted to be. I don't think that this would affect the people around me. Well, mainly, I'm afraid of disappointing...

Myself.

You can say that I'm my biggest enemy. So many times I criticize and beat myself up over an area that I could have been slightly lenient on. I could be a little paranoid.

I'm not sure whether I let expectations of others get the better of me, and I mould my expectations to suit the ones of the world. I can say that I expect myself to do this, but when I look deep down, who/what had caused me to set such standards of myself?

Right now, I wish I was a better person. I wish that I'm a great thinker with apparent leadership skills. I wish I could play the keys so much better, I'm tired of watching talents of the others from afar, knowing that I'm not as good as they are. I wish I was smarter. I wish I could write much better than what I am capable of now.

Oh, Pris. Shut up, cut the whining and insert some action to improve yourself as a person.

Martyrdom.

Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like without martyrdom.

The death rate would be slightly lower in certain countries, and in other countries, a LOT lower.

As much as the term martyrdom hurts my heart, I realise that this is when we realise unexpected qualities: loyalties or betrayals. Just when you have a gun pointed to your head, you're faced with the question that would allow you to save your life but live in a meaningless world of emptiness after that or you lose your life knowing that you have acted according to your conscience, making you a true legend.

Which one would you choose, really?

I don't think anyone of us can answer it now. Actually, we can verbally voice out our choice, but are we really willing to walk the talk and be persecuted for a "theory" (some would call it that), even at point blank?

Honestly, I think that no one is able to determine the extent of whether we are truly passionate for a cause until that moment actually happens.

It feels so good being alive, doesn't it?

What about those people whose lives were brutally ended by a squeeze of a trigger for declaring their faith? What about them? What were they feeling? What went through their minds? Did the notion of betraying their belief run through their minds, knowing that they would be able to live slightly longer? What caused them to whisper the words that would cause captors or gunmen to snatch their lives viciously?

What do I think?

Sometimes, I think I'm thinking about these things too much.

Sigh.

Exams. Exams. Exams.

I officially finished Saturday school today!

*clap clap clap*

It's been such a pain in the butt that I had to go to school an extra day of the week despite going to school 5 days a week already. It's the pain of waking up, and because of my right-on-time attitude, I had to drive with Dad and face all those horrible Asian drivers who wouldn't give a little consideration to younger L platers, taking up the whole road, no sense of give-and-take, only living on the "this is my road, I will use my nice big car to take up the entire road" principle... All these months.. It's finished! Phew!

So Priscilla has officially finished high school, but unfortunately, in the midst of the most important exams in her high school life.. 6 down, 2 more to go.

I'll post up pictures of the last days of high school if I ever feel like it after the exams, since this blog is slowly dying anyway.. Haha..

13 days off Facebook and another 12 to go. The temptation is not so great anymore.. But I do find it rather pointless to switch on the laptop without accessing Facebook. That's when I realised that I am truly a Facebook addict. Not good. Lol

"You're not alone, together we stand... You know I'll take your hand" - Remix from Avril Lavigne, sung by Glee. I love Glee's songs, although I dont really fancy the storyline..

32 degrees now. The hot weather is finally here! But..... I do find it a little too hot. I wished it had stuck between 20-25 degrees, that would've been beautiful.

Now, to find my iPod and listen to Michael Buble's songs..

"I'm not surprised, that not everything lasts. I broke my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track."

Poor man.