Relocation

Okay, maybe I have geographically relocated. Not easy, but am grateful how God revealed talents that I never knew I had, friendships and relationships that I never thought I would achieve, and a working environment that I do enjoy.

Tonight, at the leadership summit at church, I was challenged by this : relocation of thinking.

Relocating is never easy, relocating does not produce instantenous results either.

I think God is taking me through a process of relocation. Not geographically, but in the relationships around me. After having seasonal friendships, I find it hard to 'loosen' my grip around the closer ones around me now. But God is placing in my heart to let go and grip my relationship with Him instead. Because He is constant and everlasting.

I'm afraid to let go because I'm afraid of 'losing' friendships. I don't like getting close to someone and letting go just when I feel at ease. Well, so much for taking hold of the notion of selflessness then? Lol

As the day passes, I pray that God would give me the strength not to be envious, but to celebrate happiness of others. That whatever makes them happy would make me happy. It's not easy, but I know that it is the right thing to do. It hurts, but I don't want relationship to be a competition. Personally, I am struggling to allow "breathing space" because when I find a person that I'm close with, I usually "snatch" him/her up so that I feel secure. I need help to be understanding and foster friendships carefully instead of claiming "territory" in this area.

Maybe if I let go, maybe I would be blessed with new acquaintances. Maybe if I let go, I would encounter more experiences.

One of my close friends quoted "Friendship goes up and down, and close and apart".

Perhaps I need a relocation of attitude and mindset.

Maybe...

Enjoying life with a tinge of self-centredness?

I wonder if I would want to stay in the same phase of life till the day I breathe my last breath. I mean, if I’m truly happy, why would I want to move on to an unfamiliar place? Sure, there’s a 50% chance of me being happier. But there is the other 50% chance of facing struggles and disappointments.

This morning, I was greeted with Kim Walker’s spontaneous line, “You are my God.” That made me realise something. God is MY God. He’s mine. I belong to Him and no one else. Life is about taking steps forward; it is about moving in that direction when you feel Him lead you. It is not about glancing behind your shoulder when you’re physically moving forward.

This year has been a slight change for me. It is not just about being a first-year university student. It is about the different paths that I chose. With those paths came blessings and struggles.

I love my group of friends now. I feel comfortable around them because we all possess the same beliefs. I find it easier to be the individual that I am, and not having to worry whether my values would be contested by the people around me. As each day passes, I find myself not worrying about actions of other people and how it could lead them astray.

Then, it hit me this morning. What happened to those friends that I used to pray for? I am enjoying myself so much that I forget that as the different “church girl” in my past peers, I still have to care for them. A couple of days ago, I caught up with two of my closer friends in the past, and to my dismay, they don’t know why they exist anymore. They are so lost and confused, seeking avenues to escape from their troubled lives. They resort to the things against they once thought they believed in. They know that certain things would not give them permanent solutions, but if those things offer them temporary relief, they suppose that temporary is better than nothing at all.

It breaks my heart to watch them make difficult choices that would only worsen their conditions. I could only reprimand when I can, but I have no right to tell them what to do.

Instead of focusing of having fun for my own benefit, I think it is time for me to take up that role again. Being Christ-like demands selflessness, there is no escaping to that. When I move forward in life, I want to take people with me. I want them to feel as blessed as I am.

So, selflessness it shall be.