I just realized that I’ve been struggling with food.
For years I’ve always loved chocolate. Chocolate bars, chocolate biscuits, chocolate muffins… Anything chocolate and I’m there.
But for the past few weeks, my chocolate-eating habits escalated. I could eat chocolate anywhere and anytime of the day, or night. A couple of nights ago, I came home from a drive because I didn’t think I would be in a right frame of mind. I was upset, and the first place I headed was the fridge. My fingers rummaged those packets of biscuits till I found what I was looking for… chocolate.
I didn’t know how chocolate would calm me down. But I shoved bars in my mouth, hoping that the hurt would go away. With each bite, I hoped for a possibility of making myself happy and calm again. It seemed like chocolate was the solution. It made me feel better for a couple of minutes, and then I realized that I wasn’t doing my body any good. I had just consumed more calories, and being the non-athlete that I am, the calories would just turn into body fat.
That thought didn’t stop me the day after. Every time an unpleasant thought entered my mind, the first instinct was to search for chocolate. At work this afternoon, my mind wandered to situations and I craved for chocolate. Yes, craved. I wanted it. I needed chocolate. In a minute, I dashed to the back and bit a chocolate biscuit to sooth my chocolate-appetite.
As a friend and I were joking around about my chocolate habits, I realized that chocolate is gaining power on my being. I struggle going through the day without the thought of indulging the “naughty but nice” food. This is slightly concerning me.
I know I eat when I feel troubled, but this is not healthy. I feel gross, and wished I could turn back time to stop myself from giving into temptation. At the same time, I find myself wrapping my fingers around another chocolate bar.
The thought of me relying on chocolate is starting to scare me a little.
