Technology, music... distractions or genuine forms of expression?

Five hours ago, I would tell you that music is a form of therapy that can heal so many things.

I love my keyboard – music is a form of expressing myself and how I feel. There are many occasions where I would play music till I get my giggles, frustrations, any type of emotion out.

But, not today.

The thing about having mixed feelings is that you don’t know how to channel it out. Not being able to identify how you feel restricts you from expressing yourself with some degree of clarity.

I grabbed my iPod, and shuffled through my 600 songs. None of them stood out. I didn’t want to identify bass lines or rhythm patterns. I didn’t feel like listening out for interesting chords. I wasn’t interested in picking out instrumental solos and playing it on my air-keyboard.

I looked at my keyboard next to my desk, and for the first time, I walked away from it.

This is probably the first time I can’t express myself through medium of music.

I took my iPad, laptop, and every form of technology that would distract me and hopefully satisfy my mixed feelings. Aren’t we all like that at one point or another? The wonders of technology offer us bountiful options to keep ourselves occupied. Or perhaps distracting us from what needs to be tackled in our lives.

Mind you, I’m not an extremely emotional girl. I may have my mood swings here and there, only because I didn’t control my emotions. But, right now... I don’t know what I want. Perhaps the only thing I can identify is a sense of regret.

Past mistakes and little wrongful actions have subtly accumulated into a blob. Or a very tall, intimidating tower. Maybe that is why I’m feeling rather mixed about everything. Perhaps if I could turn back time, I can right some wrongs in my life – and things won’t be the way they are now.

But... I don’t have that remote control. And, thank goodness for that!

So, I'll just sit down and nibble on some chocolates.