Faith.

It’s funny how finding out that letting go is the hardest thing you can ever do.
After having your whole life planned out, knowing exactly what you’re going to do. And when it draws closer, you start to realize that things aren’t all as what you have expected it to be.

It’s funny how we say, “God, take it all. I lay it down at Your feet”. But in reality, our actions convey that “God, I surrender all. Oh wait, but, God, this part here. This little one here? This has to go this way. Couldn’t You help me to achieve it this way although You want something else for me?”

I’ve been in that position a thousand times.

Tonight, during music practice, it was all just laying my cards down on my table.
This is my life: I want to do well, I want to be smart. I’m not stupid, but I’m not a genius. I won’t be able to get this score unless God intervenes. I WANT God to intervene. I WANT it SO BAD that I’m willing to do anything to be SMARTER than I am.
Tonight, through Luke, God said, “You don’t know the plans I have for you. It’s good to get that score, but what if I’m telling you that there is another way? Another way that you may actually break your heart, but you’ll be so much more than you think you can be. How about that?”

I shuddered at that thought. I didn’t want it ANOTHER way. I’ve planned it out already! I know I’m not brilliant, or not as smart as I want to be, I know that. But, why? Why can’t God steer me in my favourable direction?

See what I’m doing? I’m putting God in the box of my heart. I’m not letting Him actually take over and depend on Him. I’m depending on Him to help me get what I want, and not His.

As the band played and I worshipped, the words that escaped my lips were the ones that were going to change me. “God, I NEED YOU”

Suddenly, I’m prepared to face the consequences of my beliefs. I tell people that I am a Christian and I love God. People see that, but this is not a show. This is a relationship with God.

It’s time to take that step of faith.